No matter who came up with the idea of separation, going through a divorce can be a depressive, upsetting and frightening experience. Since it represents the end of one chapter in your life story and the beginning of another, it raises a number of questions. Why me? How did I get here? How to move on? What should I do next? Who am I? Who I want to be? However, you’re not alone. Thanks to so many people out there who survived the divorce, there’re a few tips that can help you learn to set new life goals and reinvent yourself after a divorce.
Deal with your feelings
Whatever your marriage was, you certainly didn’t say ’Yes’ expecting to get back single status again. Therefore, it’s perfectly normal to experience the entire set of emotions when going through divorce – sadness, anger, fear, denial, acceptance. Although it would be easier to simply sweep them under the table, you have to acknowledge your feelings and find the way to deal with them if you want to move on without bringing any baggage from your past to your future. So, no matter how hard it might be at the beginning, understand the loss and allow yourself to survive the mourning phase.
Let it go
After a divorce, many people can’t find the way to liberate themselves from an inevitable feeling of bitterness. Yes, you can’t avoid the resentment, but you shouldn’t let it linger either. Even though it can take years, you have to let it go. Instead of asking yourself same “what if” questions over and over again, start learning from your past experiences and move on to the next chapter. And one day, you’ll be able to remember your ex-marriage with a smile on your face.
Don’t hate yourself
This may sound like a cliché, but it’s true that many people lose their confidence after a divorce. Robert Alberti, psychologist and co-author of Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, says that people might think that their relationship failed because there was something wrong with them. However, you have to regain your confidence and learn how to like yourself. Because you have to believe in yourself if you want others to believe in you.
Accept your new roles
According to experienced Doolan Wagner family lawyers, many people in Australia choose to be in so-called De Facto relationship – living together without getting married. Whether you’re married or in De Facto relationship, your partner probably was responsible for handling certain things for both of you. For instance, he/she might have been the one who cooked, went shopping, doing laundry, paying bills, etc. But, from now on, you’ll have to handle them all by yourself. It might be tough initially, but eventually learning to deal with new things will help you regain confidence and the sense of purpose.
Set new goals
Once you’ve found yourself at the fresh start, you have to set new goals for the future. The marriage is all about tolerance, so during the last few years, you’d probably been making plans together with your partner. Now that you can plan your future without thinking of others’ wishes, you may find it quite exciting and liberating. While you’re adjusting to newly single life, your goals may change and that’s fine. Whether you succeed to accomplish them or not, you’ll feel powerful only by visualizing tomorrow.
Although you’re supposed to learn and grow from your divorce experience, you don’t have to reinvent yourself in order to become someone you’ve always wanted to be. Maybe you should simply dig deep in search of that person. When being married, you probably had to give up things you liked before in favor of the relationship. Or simply never had time to do things you enjoy such as painting, writing or playing sports. In order to rebuild yourself, focus on your interests, take up old/new hobbies and enjoy what you love.
Yes, divorce is an unpleasant point in your life. However, once it’s happened, don’t allow it to bring you down, but deal with your feelings and make the most of it.